This is not intended to be, nor am I qualified to produce, a technical document related to the field of psychology. Although my clinical experience in this realm has been extensive, both as a practitioner (counsellor) and patient, my intent here is to lean more heavily on personal observations than my knowledge, education and training. In other words, anecdotal evidence will outweigh empirical evidence, meaning less reliance on textbooks than on what I’ve observed in real-life human behaviour.
Almost 50% of my life thus far has included a mixture of personal involvement in addiction/recovery as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, coupled with a vocation as an addictions counsellor. (I left AA several years ago and no longer ascribe to the 12-step recovery model.) One of the core beliefs held by the proponents of AA philosophy is that resentment is the number one enemy of alcoholics and must be rigorously guarded against in their quest for permanent abstinence from alcohol.
But resentment, continuous indignation and anger stemming from a belief of being wronged or offended, is but a symptom of a deeper ongoing and damaging disorder of human personality. The underlying subconscious malady hidden beneath the conscious experience of resentment is much more deadly for those struggling with addiction, and those who are not. It is a psychic cancer that, over time, has the potential for devastating outcomes, affecting all aspects of one’s life: it is, quite simply, victimhood.
Victim mentality, or victim complex, or victim syndrome, is not a stand-alone psychiatric diagnosis but a behaviour pattern associated with other mental and/or personality disorders. That its cause is environmental only, growing out of actual victimhood related to trauma, mostly in early life, is hypothetical yet backed up by statistical evidence in favour of this conclusion.
(At this point, I will briefly leave the topic of victim mentality but be assured that I will tie this seemingly unrelated subject of discussion back to it.)
Many believe that Alcoholics Anonymous is a religious cult. I won’t debate, for or against, this accusation, but do agree that AA meets a host of criteria necessary for inclusion in that category. One criterion met and employed by AA is the idea of powerlessness being repeatedly hammered into the heads of its members. It is done so at the beginning of every meeting with the following being read aloud; it is the first of its twelve steps of recovery: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
To be fair, AA members do this with the altruistic motive of helping others achieve a happier, healthier life than one immersed in the habitual and heavy consumption of alcohol with all its negative consequences. But as a means of recruitment and retention of members, the inoculation of the idea of personal helplessness is crucial for any cult’s survival, and benign or not, AA makes use of ingraining victimhood (powerlessness) deep into the psyche of its members This belief in personal victimization and helplessness is what AA, true to cult behaviour, feeds on as it presents itself as the only saviour for those afflicted by self-destructive levels of drinking.
This idea of being “powerless over alcohol” is the foundation of all AA philosophy. Without it, there would be no AA. Springing from this doctrine came the medical model of alcoholism and addiction - that it is a disease requiring a lifetime of recovery (cult membership?) to overcome. Decades of clinical and scientific research has been amassed to refute the claim that addiction is a bonified disease, and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition (DSM-V) only goes so far as to refer to addiction as a “substance use disorder” or “alcohol use disorder” and does not refer to them as diseases of the brain, mind or body; further, no mention of, or reference to, the term “alcoholism” is used.
Alcoholics Anonymous owes its success and lasting endurance to the use of the concept of personal powerlessness and victimhood as its philosophical cornerstone, and as a former AA member of over 29 years, I have witnessed the devastating personal outcomes of this doctrine visited upon its members. And I’m not only referring to a return to harmful levels of alcohol use, but the consequences of the relentless brainwashing of its members to believe they are victims of circumstance, a disease, never taking full responsibility for their destructive drinking habits and patterns, and the damage it has inflicted on themselves and others.
There is no way to reconcile the idea of powerlessness over a disease and the taking of responsibility for one’s actions while intoxicated. But in AA lore, the two are intertwined and blurred so that where one notion ends, the other begins. It’s confusing, and I’ll leave it there. (And now, back to our topic.)
The website PsychologyToday.com contains the following statement: “Victimhood is a less obvious form of narcissistic grandiosity.” I had never made the link between narcissism and the victim mentality before reading this but the connection is obvious. The narcissist, one diagnosed with Narcistic Personality Disorder, makes use of countless forms of manipulation over others - exaggerating their victimhood is one of them. Here is part of a paragraph taken from an article at the above website:
“An all-encompassing sense of victimization, common in the more covert type of narcissist, becomes the organizing principle of the self. This type appears far less showboating and more vulnerable than the overt narcissist, but they share the same underlying personality structure, including feelings of superiority and repressed shame (splitting), destructive envy, and an impoverishment of empathy for others.”
When I first read this, my mind went back to those I’ve known who suffered and/or presently suffer from victim mentality, and there is indeed, at varying degrees, the presence of envy and lack of empathy within their psychological makeup. The fact that low self-esteem connected with victimhood can internally co-exist with a superiority complex is ironic, but there it is, and it goes like this: victim-related ideation includes blaming others for negative circumstances and outcomes, using others as scapegoats for their unwanted predicament, thereby placing themselves superior to those they blame. “It’s not my fault, it’s theirs” is the mantra most used, and when challenged by contradictory facts and arguments, it is met with intense resistance, placing the one doing the challenging on the victim’s already-overcrowded list of victimizers.
There are many ways a narcissistic and perpetual victim can use while attempting to manipulate others. Employers, lovers, family, friends, clients and colleagues are all potential prey to victim’s desire for guilt-laced compassion using subtle emotional and mental control tactics to get what they want, whether that be pity, an employment opportunity, a promotion at work, financial assistance, recognition, a pat on the back, or just plain old sympathy.
My displeasure with people trying to manipulate others is not outweighed by my compassion for those who suffer, mostly without their awareness, from symptoms of victim mentality. I’ve watched friends and clients agonize over their less-than-desirable life circumstances yet remain blinded by a well entrenched delusion that they are powerless to better their lives due to the world being against them. It is a psychological safe space and defense mechanism likely originating from traumatization suffered at an earlier age, truly being victimized, leaving them trapped in a cycle of behaviour, beliefs and outcomes that further enforce their victim complex. This is not a recipe for success and makes the creation and maintenance of healthy relationships difficult if not impossible. And I assure you, as a former AA member and addictions counsellor, or present-day friend, it’s not easy to watch.
I remember a woman I knew quite well in recovery whose past included terrible abuse during childhood. Although achieving decades of abstinence from substances, she was unable or unwilling (I do not know which) of letting go of the resentment(s) attached to her trauma(s). Her life was filled with disappointment, strife, blaming of others, lack of personal accountability, and failed relationships. I heard recently that she passed away, and I don’t know if she ever came to a place of inner peace. I hope she did. The stress she experienced as a result of her ongoing victimhood, I believe, was likely a strong contributing factor resulting in her death at a relatively early age.
Is there hope for these individuals? Absolutely. At any time, and given any combination of circumstances, the “light bulb” can come on; an epiphany experienced, enough to clearly see one’s troubles and start on a path to wellness and peace. I should know, having witnessed several miracles of recovery. Also, I have first-hand knowledge of what it’s like to experience these miraculous breakthroughs – I’ve had several happen to me.
I’ll leave you with a list of signs and symptoms of Victim Mentality from the website psychecentral.com:
A victim mentality can manifest in many ways. It can involve feeling like the world is out to get you or having difficulty taking personal responsibility for what happens in your life.
The signs of a victim mentality include:
Behavioral signs
often placing blame on external factors or other people when things go wrong
having trouble taking personal responsibility or seeing how you may have contributed to a situation
being overly critical of yourself or others
associating only with people who think like you
Mental (cognitive) signs
seeing the world as unfair or unsafe
cognitive distortions, like catastrophizing
harmful thinking patterns or pessimism
ruminating over past wrongs and hurts
thoughts of self-harm or suicide
Relationship signs
difficulty with intimacy and trust
mistrust of authority figures
keeping score in relationships
trouble accepting constructive criticism
Emotional signs
feeling unseen
low self-esteem
resentment of others
social isolation
A victim mentality can affect your life in many ways, from stopping you from applying yourself at work to disrupting your relationship dynamics. You might also have trouble maintaining healthy lifestyle habits.
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Daniel (Murphy) Kennedy